30 Funny & Famous Steven Wright Quotes
“Laughter” by “David Swift“, licensed under CC BY 2.0
Born on December 6, 1955, Steven Wright is an American actor, writer, producer, and stand-up comedian. He is known chiefly for his distinctively lethargic voice and deadpan delivery of unique, ironic, and philosophical jokes. He was ranked as the 15th greatest comedian in 2017 by Rolling Stone. Steven first came into the limelight when his comedy album, I Have a Pony, was released in 1985. This success landed him an HBO Special, A Steven Wright Special.
Steven’s success is not limited to comedy only. He was awarded an Oscar in 1989 for Best Short Live-Action Film for “The Appointments of Dennis Jennings.” He also received two Emmy nominations for Louie in 2014 and 2015. Whatever has interested him, he has done it. From writing non-comedy songs to painting, he does not hold back himself. Today, we will check out some of the best Steven Wright quotes and will dive into his world of laughter.
Steven Wright Funny Quotes
Steven Wright is known as the Undisputed King of Deadpan humour. Let’s check out some of his funniest quotes to learn why he is the king.
“Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
“The judge asked, “What do you plead?” I said, “Insanity, your honor, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?””
STEVEN WRIGHT
“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
“Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” and I said, “Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so…he’s only 2 months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.””
STEVEN WRIGHT
“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”
STEVEN WRIGHT
“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
“I went to a fancy french restaurant called “Deja Vu.” The headwaiter said, “Don’t I know you?””
STEVEN WRIGHT
“I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
“I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
“In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
“Smoking cures weight problems…eventually.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
“If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
More Steven Wright Quotes
A person who doesn’t hold himself from doing anything is what makes Steven Wright Special. Here are some more Steven Wright quotes to confirm his place as one of the best comedians of all time.
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
“You never know what you have until it’s gone, and I wanted to know what I had, so I got rid of everything.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
SOURCE: THE GUARDIAN
SOURCE: A STEVEN WRIGHT SPECIAL
“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?”
STEVEN WRIGHT
SOURCE: THE BEER DEVOTIONAL
“I bought a new camera. It’s very advanced. You don’t even need it.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
SOURCE: WHEN THE LEAVES BLOW AWAY
“A lot of people are afraid of heights; not me, I’m afraid of widths.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
SOURCE: A STEVEN WRIGHT SPECIAL
“I wish the first word I ever said was the word ‘quote,’ so right before I die I could say ‘unquote.’”
STEVEN WRIGHT
SOURCE: WHEN THE LEAVES BLOW AWAY
“I tell people I’m just a secretary for my own mind: Something comes into my head, and I write it down.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
SOURCE: INTERVIEW
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
“Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
“Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can’t predict what people will laugh at.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
“I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
“I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it’s going to be up all night.”
STEVEN WRIGHT
The way he delivers his jokes slowly separates him from other comedians. Making people laugh is one of the hardest things to do. So many comedians repeat their jokes in order to make others laugh. Thanks to Steven’s Wittiness, he is not one of those. His comedy realm also overshadows his other achievements of winning Emmy and Oscar.
Steven Wright is a comedian capable of continuously making you laugh and glued to your seat. Steven has pulled back many of us from our sadness. Let’s hope his humor will keep providing smiles to millions of people. Do not forget to check out Steven Wright’s shows and get a dose of laughter. We hope you liked our collection of Steven Wright quotes and found them funny. Do not forget to share the article with your friends and spread smiles.
You can also check out these 37 Johnny Cash Quotes About Love, Life & More!
