50 Most Hilarious Michael Scott Quotes from The Office

50 Most Hilarious Michael Scott Quotes from The Office

Last updated on January 3rd, 2024 at 10:25 am

โ€œSteve Carell vino a divertirse a El Hormigueroโ€ by โ€œElHormigueroโ€ is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0

Michael Scott is a fictional character played by Steve Carell in NBCโ€™s popular TV show โ€“ The Office. Carellโ€™s brilliant acting, coupled with the showโ€™s intriguing plot, has won the hearts of millions of viewers across the globe. The popular series, featuring nine seasons and 201 episodes, has received 42 Primetime Emmy Awards nominations and won five. In 2019, The Office was named theย most-watched show on streaming service Netflix, a true depiction of its global popularity.ย 

Part of the reason behind The Officeโ€™s popularity is the fan-favorite character, Michael Scott. Carell does an excellent job with the role โ€“ he was named the funniest man in America by Life Magazine. That aside, heโ€™s been nominated for multiple awards 125 times and won 27. So if youโ€™re a fan of The Office, Turtle Quote brings you some of the best and funniest Michael Scott quotes to brighten up your day.ย 

Famous Michael Scott quotes

Michael Scottโ€™s sense of humor and exemplary dramatization has been well captured in these quotes.

โ€œDo I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But itโ€™s not like this compulsive need like my need to be praised.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

ย โ€œThat has sort of an oak-y afterbirth.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œWikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject so you know you are getting the best possible information.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

ย โ€œI learned a while back that if I do not text 911, people do not return my calls. Um, but people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

ย โ€œIโ€™m an early bird and Iโ€™m a night owl so Iโ€™m wise and I have worms.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œIโ€ฆ Declareโ€ฆ. Bankruptcy!โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œIt is St. Patrickโ€™s Day. And here in Scranton, that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

ย โ€œYou donโ€™t know me, youโ€™ve just seen my penis.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

ย โ€œThe worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and theyโ€™d come down and theyโ€™d suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

ย โ€œYou miss 100% of the shots you donโ€™t take.โ€

โ€œAnd I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œI feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. Itโ€™s every parentโ€™s dream.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œIf I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT
SOURCE: Killing Bin Laden, Hitler, and Toby

โ€œSociety teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, thatโ€™s baloney, because grief isnโ€™t wrong. Thereโ€™s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT
SOURCE: BIRD FUNERAL

โ€œYou know what they say. Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twiceโ€ฆstrike three.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

ย โ€œIโ€™m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œSometimes Iโ€™ll start a sentence and I donโ€™t even know where itโ€™s going. I just hope I find it along the way.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œI have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT
SOURCE: MICHAEL VS TOBY

โ€œWould I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

Michael Scott Inspirational Quotes

Michael Scott inspirational quotes are a mixture of humor, sarcasm and reality. Check out these great examples.

โ€œYou should never settle for who you are.โ€

โ€œThe most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, myย family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.โ€ย 

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œI guess Iโ€™ve beenย workingย so hard, I forgot what itโ€™s like to be hardly working.โ€ย 

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œSometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss thatโ€™s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œI guess theย attitudeย that Iโ€™ve tried to create here is that Iโ€™m a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œReverse psychology is an awesome tool. I donโ€™t know if you guys know about it, but basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œTwo weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didnโ€™t connect, I was miserable. Now, I am in the best relationship of my life, with the sameย woman. Love is a mystery.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œAn office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come true.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œNo, Iโ€™m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you donโ€™t tell them.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œI donโ€™t want to work. I just want to bang on this mug all day.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œMake friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.โ€

โ€œAnd Iโ€™m optimistic because everyday I get a little more desperate.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œI wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say โ€˜noโ€™ to being my friend.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

ย โ€œI would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

Funny Michael Scott Quotes

And now on to the best part of Michael Scott quotesโ€ฆ.

โ€œI donโ€™t want to do anything, I am dying.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œI hate looking at your face. I wanna smash it!โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œShould have burned this place down when I had a chance.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œSaw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œThe only thing that could make this day better is ice cream.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œI am Beyoncรฉ always.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œThey say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office, but I will.โ€

โ€œWhy donโ€™t you explain this to me like I am five?โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œI understand nothing.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œI am dead inside.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œI donโ€™t even consider myself a part of society.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œI am going to drop a deuce on everybody.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œAh, the progidalโ€ฆMy son returns.โ€

MICHAELS COTT

โ€œForgiveness is next to godliness.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œBusiness is a doggy dog world.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œNo rest for the sick.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œI am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œNumber 8. Learn how to take off a womanโ€™s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.โ€

MICHAEL SCOTT

โ€œTheyโ€™re trying to make me an escape goat.โ€


Speaking of popular shows on Netflix, have you watched the Peaky Blinders? If so, check out these top 10 most savage Peaky Blinders quotes!

Naveen Kumar is a writer and has a thing for collecting quotes and sharing them with people. Naveen is a space enthusiast. When he is not spreading good vibes or motivating people through quotes, you can find him sipping coffee while reading classic literature or on a long road drive.

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