50 Most Hilarious Michael Scott Quotes from The Office

50 Most Hilarious Michael Scott Quotes from The Office

Last updated on January 3rd, 2024 at 10:25 am

“Steve Carell vino a divertirse a El Hormiguero” by “ElHormiguero” is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0

Michael Scott is a fictional character played by Steve Carell in NBC’s popular TV show – The Office. Carell’s brilliant acting, coupled with the show’s intriguing plot, has won the hearts of millions of viewers across the globe. The popular series, featuring nine seasons and 201 episodes, has received 42 Primetime Emmy Awards nominations and won five. In 2019, The Office was named the most-watched show on streaming service Netflix, a true depiction of its global popularity. 

Part of the reason behind The Office’s popularity is the fan-favorite character, Michael Scott. Carell does an excellent job with the role – he was named the funniest man in America by Life Magazine. That aside, he’s been nominated for multiple awards 125 times and won 27. So if you’re a fan of The Office, Turtle Quote brings you some of the best and funniest Michael Scott quotes to brighten up your day. 

Famous Michael Scott quotes

Michael Scott’s sense of humor and exemplary dramatization has been well captured in these quotes.

“Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like this compulsive need like my need to be praised.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

 “That has sort of an oak-y afterbirth.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject so you know you are getting the best possible information.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

 “I learned a while back that if I do not text 911, people do not return my calls. Um, but people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

 “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“I… Declare…. Bankruptcy!”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“It is St. Patrick’s Day. And here in Scranton, that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

 “You don’t know me, you’ve just seen my penis.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

 “The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and they’d come down and they’d suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!”

MICHAEL SCOTT

 “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

“And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”

MICHAEL SCOTT
SOURCE: Killing Bin Laden, Hitler, and Toby

“Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”

MICHAEL SCOTT
SOURCE: BIRD FUNERAL

“You know what they say. Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice…strike three.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

 “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him.”

MICHAEL SCOTT
SOURCE: MICHAEL VS TOBY

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

Michael Scott Inspirational Quotes

Michael Scott inspirational quotes are a mixture of humor, sarcasm and reality. Check out these great examples.

“You should never settle for who you are.”

“The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.” 

MICHAEL SCOTT

“I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” 

MICHAEL SCOTT

“Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“I guess the attitude that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didn’t connect, I was miserable. Now, I am in the best relationship of my life, with the same woman. Love is a mystery.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come true.

MICHAEL SCOTT

“No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“I don’t want to work. I just want to bang on this mug all day.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.”

“And I’m optimistic because everyday I get a little more desperate.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

 “I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

Funny Michael Scott Quotes

And now on to the best part of Michael Scott quotes….

“I don’t want to do anything, I am dying.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“I hate looking at your face. I wanna smash it!”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“Should have burned this place down when I had a chance.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“The only thing that could make this day better is ice cream.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“I am Beyoncé always.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“They say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office, but I will.”

“Why don’t you explain this to me like I am five?”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“I understand nothing.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“I am dead inside.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“I don’t even consider myself a part of society.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“I am going to drop a deuce on everybody.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“Ah, the progidal…My son returns.”

MICHAELS COTT

“Forgiveness is next to godliness.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“Business is a doggy dog world.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“No rest for the sick.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“Number 8. Learn how to take off a woman’s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.”

MICHAEL SCOTT

“They’re trying to make me an escape goat.”


Speaking of popular shows on Netflix, have you watched the Peaky Blinders? If so, check out these top 10 most savage Peaky Blinders quotes!

Naveen Kumar is a writer and has a thing for collecting quotes and sharing them with people. Naveen is a space enthusiast. When he is not spreading good vibes or motivating people through quotes, you can find him sipping coffee while reading classic literature or on a long road drive.

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