35 Funny Erma Bombeck Quotes On Ageing & Motherhood

35 Funny Erma Bombeck Quotes On Ageing & Motherhood

Erma Bombeck” by “Denise Wauters“, licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0

Erma Bombeck (1927-1996) was a famous American writer who has achieved great popularity because of her humorous syndicated newspaper column. She worked as a journalist in Dayton, Ohio, right after high school in her early days. However, after a few years, she got married, gave birth to her first child, and left her job. And then, 11 years later, from 1965 to 1996, she finally began writing humour columns, which focused on her personal life and suburban home moments.

By 1968, her columns got published in 200 newspapers and by the late 1970s, in over 800 papers, which is remarkable. Additionally, she has also written 15 books, and all of them got huge limelight. Unfortunately, she died in 1996 because of complications with her kidney transplant surgery.

Erma Bombeck was a humorist, syndicated columnist, and writer who is still remembered because of her quirky writing style. Are you looking for some Erma Bombeck quotes? Turtle Quotes has combined some of her best quotes on ageing and motherhood. You can even understand her sense of humour from these quotes. Check them out!

Erma Bombeck Quotes On Ageing

Have a look at some Erma Bombeck quotes on ageing that will show you how to celebrate getting old and highlight the best sides of ageing.

“The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant.”

ERMA BOMBECK

“Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.”

ERMA BOMBECK

“The fact was I didn’t want to look my age, but I didn’t want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence.”

ERMA BOMBECK
SOURCE: AUNT ERMA’S COPE BOOK: HOW TO GET FROM MONDAY TO FRIDAY . . . IN 12 DAYS

“Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.”

ERMA BOMBECK

“When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.”

ERMA BOMBECK
Erma Bombeck Quotes On Ageing
“Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.”

“I didn’t fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.”

ERMA BOMBECK
SOURCE: FOUR OF A KIND: A SUBURBAN FIELD GUIDE

“A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.”

ERMA BOMBECK

“I’ve always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.”

ERMA BOMBECK

Erma Bombeck Quotes On Motherhood

Erma Bombeck is known as a Columnist writer who shared a lot about motherhood. Therefore, we can’t move forward without checking Erma Bombeck quotes on motherhood. Have a look!

“Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world.”

ERMA BOMBECK
SOURCE: MOTHERHOOD: THE SECOND OLDEST PROFESSION

“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”

ERMA BOMBECK
Erma Bombeck Quotes On Motherhood
“It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.”
SOURCE: MOTHERHOOD: THE SECOND OLDEST PROFESSION

“Spend at least one Mother’s Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.”

ERMA BOMBECK

“Mothers are not the nameless, faceless stereotypes who appear once a year on a greeting card with their virtues set to prose, but women who have been dealt a hand for life and play each card one at a time the best way they know how.”

ERMA BOMBECK
SOURCE: MOTHERHOOD: THE SECOND OLDEST PROFESSION

“No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.”

ERMA BOMBECK

“No mother is all good or all bad, all laughing or all serious, all loving or all angry. Ambivalence rushes through their veins.”

ERMA BOMBECK
SOURCE: MOTHERHOOD: THE SECOND OLDEST PROFESSION

“Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.”

ERMA BOMBECK
Erma Bombeck Quotes On Motherhood
“It’s [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.”
SOURCE: THE ERMA BOMBECK COLLECTION

“The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood.”

ERMA BOMBECK
SOURCE: FOUR OF A KIND: A SUBURBAN FIELD GUIDE

“Motherhood isn’t just a series of contractions; it’s a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.”

ERMA BOMBECK
SOURCE: FOREVER, ERMA: BEST-LOVED WRITING FROM AMERICA’S FAVORITE HUMORIST

“When the good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of overtime when the angel appeared and said, ‘You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.'”

ERMA BOMBECK

Erma Bombeck Funny Quotes

Erma Bombeck was known for her kickass nature that could easily make anyone laugh. It can also easily be seen in her write-ups. Check out some relatable Erma Bombeck funny quotes and laugh out loud.

“After age twelve, birthdays should be as private as hernia surgery.”

ERMA BOMBECK
SOURCE: I LOST EVERYTHING IN THE POST-NATAL DEPRESSION

“What mother has never fallen on her knees when she has gone into her son’s bedroom and prayed ‘Please, God. No more. You were only supposed to give me what I could handle.'”

ERMA BOMBECK
Erma Bombeck Funny Quotes
“I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.”
SOURCE: THE ERMA BOMBECK COLLECTION

“Crocodiles have a smile I’ve seen on the face of every lawyer I’ve ever met.”

ERMA BOMBECK

“Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, “What light?” and two more to say, “I didn’t turn it on.”

ERMA BOMBECK

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”

ERMA BOMBECK
SOURCE: ERMA BOMBECK BIOGRAPHY

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”

ERMA BOMBECK

“You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I’ll show you an orphan.”

ERMA BOMBECK
Erma Bombeck Funny Quotes
“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.”
SOURCE: MOTHERHOOD: THE SECOND OLDEST PROFESSION

“Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It’s literary suicide.”

ERMA BOMBECK

“All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.”

ERMA BOMBECK
SOURCE: THE ERMA BOMBECK COLLECTION

“The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight.”

ERMA BOMBECK

“Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.”

ERMA BOMBECK

“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”

ERMA BOMBECK

Erma Bombeck has published 15 books in her whole career, and most of them became bestsellers of that time. That’s why there are a lot of motivational and relatable quotes to find from her write-ups. She has experienced all stages of life and shared her experience with people. And if you are a mother or parent, you can relate with them the most.

We hope you enjoyed these selected quotes from Erma Bombeck. Which Erma Bombeck quote out of this list is your favourite? Tell us in the comment section! If you liked reading these quotes then you should also check out these 25 Inspirational And Funny Dolly Parton Quotes!

Turtle Quotes

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